It is “Hey look! Greg Fitzsimmons is in town” week on The Dangly Bits Show!

- Dave’s nervous breakdown was not silly…so he says.
- Dave and Tracy explain to Jen how the Thursday Show began in a public restroom.
- We wish all food was spray food.
- The bathroom in a B-17 Flying Fortress is in your pants.
- Jen defends Seattle and then retreats to defending Tacoma.
- A gay character on the Archie’s can really pack in the meat.
- Conan O’Brien talks ifs and buts.
- We’re trying to force Peurto Rico to be a state…again.
- The incredible interview with Greg Fitzsimmons!

See Greg Fitzsimmons at The Parlor Live Comedy Club in Bellevue – May 29 – May 1

Lots coming up on the Dave and Steve Show!

This coming monday – Rising Stars The Crying Spell.
May – Rockers from Down Under, Airbourne.

Get in the Uhaul for another weekend and come back next week for Monday’s special guest The Crying Spell! Have a good weekend everybody…oh and Keep ‘Em Danglin’.

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The Dave and Steve Show – Episode #114b – Greg Fitzsimmons

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Dear Apple iTunes Store,

We really don’t know why you treat us the way you do. Haven’t we been a good podcast to you? Haven’t we done everything you’ve told us to do? Yet you treat us with a lack of respect, and show no real emotion towards us at all.

Ahem…

iTunes Store, you are one of the most broken systems in the realm of technology, especially considering that you could potentially be so awesome as a vehicle to drive new content to listeners’ ears. We here at The Dave and Steve Show have been recording two shows a week for over two years, and during that time we hope you agree that our quality level has increased by leaps and bounds. Yet we remain at the mercy of your fickle and seemingly lazy system.

Sound like sour grapes? Think we’re being d*cks? Let’s break a couple of things down:

Listeners also subscribed to…
iTunes Store, you have what should be a great feature that allows users to get turned on to “new” and “fresh” content by a recommendation system under each podcast that suggests other shows one might like. On our page, we have the following podcasts linked from us. I’ve also included the date of the most recent show they’ve uploaded to your service, just for the hell of it:

- Shouting Grounds – 07/24/08
- Finite Comedy – 03/17/10
- The Afternoon Idiots – 10/26/08
- Tiny Podcast – No Episodes
- Umgotts Destroy – 03/27/07
- I Absolutely Love: – 02/28/08
- Seth and Colby Show – 01/11/09
- Radio Free Marist – 04/14/10
- R-I-O-T Free-For-All – 01/18/08
- An Entertaining Grime – 07/31/08

So let’s take a look back at this list, shall we? Of the 10 podcasts that are suggested from our page on iTunes, 1 ended in 2007, 5 ended in 2008, 1 ended in 2009, two are still current, and one of the podcasts doesn’t have any episodes at all. The best part? We’re also featured on all of their pages except for two. Which two you ask? You guessed it. The two that are still current.

Thanks iTunes Store.

Just search for us by name!
Well big deal, right? Maybe we wouldn’t get much traffic off them at all anyway. So let’s just do a simple search in iTunes for our show and find out what happens. Since the name of the show is “The Dave and Steve Show,” we’ll start first with just “Dave Steve” since people won’t always remember the full name of the show. Here is the list of the first 10 shows that come up when we search for “Dave Steve”:

- Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave – Bryan Johnson and Walter Flanagan
- Dave Dill’s Basement Tracks – Dave Dill
- House Music – Taku Nakahara
- The Sound of Trance – Johnny Monsoon
- Daily Live Worship – Bryan Clift
- Push the Night – Brad Miller
- Around Comics – Around Comics
- The Traneumentary – John Coltrane
- Masahi Osaku – Masahi Osaku
- The Classic Metal Show – The Classic Metal Show

In other words, we’re not even in the first 10 results when searching for our names, despite only two of those first 10 having “Dave” or “Steve” anywhere in their title or author names. No, we fall to 11th on that list, but just in front of “Priests of Praise,” which will probably overtake us while I’m typing this.

So let’s refine our search and actually search for “Dave Steve Show.” Now we’re getting somewhere! Only 4 shows fall in front of us now:

- The Classic Metal Show – The Classic Metal Show
- Daily Live Worship – Bryan Clift
- Push the Night – Brad Miller
- Around Comics – Around Comics

At least “The Classic Metal Show” contains the word “Show.” The others? Not so much…

Finally let’s do a spot-on search for the entire “The Dave and Steve Show” title. Doing this puts us to 2nd, behind said “Classic Metal Show,” but shouldn’t we fall before that one since, A) It only has one of the words from our search and B) it stopped broadcasting in 12/09?

Thanks again, iTunes Store.

So despite a large list of guests, an extremely consistent recording schedule, high production values, and original content, we can’t seem to get you to feature us. On top of this, you’ve set us up with dead referrals, and your search system is completely busted. Yet you remain our biggest source of connection with not only listeners but also fellow podcasters, so we are in an abusive relationship that we don’t (or maybe can’t) leave.

iTunes Store, I can’t feel as though we’re alone on this. In fact, I think we’re probably in the majority, rather than the minority here. Would it be possible to maybe have a section for the big names like Ricky Gervais, Mark Maron, Adam Carolla, and Chris Hardwick, and maybe a separate area for the independent dorks like us? Some way to give us a fighting chance to actually be heard from?

Whatever the case, we want you to know that your neglect is in fact killing us. We and so many like us are struggling just to get a hand up through all of the corpses in your store to let you know that we’re here and we’re very much alive.

Please fix your broken system.

Sincerely,
Dave
The Dave and Steve Show

We’d love to hear from fellow podcasters with a similar experience. Leave us a comment on this story, or drop us a line at dasshow@gmail.com and tell us your experience!

Ohhh, people. This show is so sad. It’s hard for me to be cavalier about their struggle. I’m up to the challenge, though, because I am old and bitter. Also, a little tipsy. Surprise!

So, a million rehashcakes later (this show really wants to make sure you know what happened, what is happening, and what is going to happen later), Jenn is losing her mind over messy, entitled celebrity addicts. Welcome to the show, Jenn! Glad you could make it! Tom proves her point by dropping chips all over the kitchen floor and scooting them into the baseboard rather than picking them up. Oh, Tom.

Morning meditation is where Jenn mostly lectures and housemates look bored. Perhaps they need their juice. Tom yawns. Oh, Tom.

Afterwards, Heidi and Mike discuss Jenn’s house-manager skills. It goes like this:

Heidi: She’s just not emotionally equipped for the job.
Mike: F*** c*** b****.
Heidi (rictus-like smile): Hehe. Yeah. Heh. C***.

Mike is a bad influence. That’s right, I said it. Someone is a bad influence on Heidi Fleiss, busted hooker.
Every commercial break is Dr. Drew talking to Jenn about “grounds for termination”. Luckily, we know that she doesn’t actually work for Dr. Drew, but for the producers of the show. *whew!*

Dennis Rodman goes to court blah blah community service obligation blah blah *snooooore* Dr. Drew is not impressed with Rodman’s court appearance and wants to talk to him about it and Show Him The Footage. I am not impressed with Dr. Drew’s suit. Show us the guns, Drew! Where’s the tight black t-shirt we love so much? Feh. I’m not recapping this part. Rodman is boring.

Commercial break! Same teaser footage from before. You think they are trying to get us excited about something? It’s working! They are FORESHADOWING OUR FACES OFF!

Here it is *rubs hands together*, the Mike and Jenn throw-down that makes Dr. Drew pull a sad face in every commercial break lead. Oh. That’s it? Hm. I have had more exciting fights with my twelve year old. And we are more inventive in our cursing. Basic gist: Jenn wants Mike to clean his room. Mike thinks Jenn should look at her face. Jenn is threatened by Mike’s clumsy attempt at a jokey hug. Jenn says he must leave and never come back! Mike leaves to go get coffee. Yeah, sounds like our arguments at home. Please feel free to speculate which is me and which is my kid.

So, more foreshadowing on the commercial break lead-in. Look, I know that reality teevee producers, like newspaper editors, need to operate at a 3rd grade level of comprehension, but this heavy-handed hashcakes is too much.

Jenn calls Dr. Drew and gives him the run-down. He sends Will Smith (YAY!) to go “track him down”. Will Smith (YAY!) gets into his awesome silver Mustang and does just that. Because he is kick-ass.
Mike is indeed having coffee, so that is cool, and he and Will Smith (YAY!) (yeah, I’m going to do that every time) have a talk, and Mike admits some responsibility in the incident. Will Smith (YAY!) drops some kick-ass wisdom on Mike, that you have to let the other person be right sometimes, and that “your ego is not your amigo”. Yup. I kinda like it.

Later, everyone is in Process Group. It’s a thing where everyone talks to Dr. Drew and complains about shit. I mean, problems are worked out. Here’s a surprise: Tom is lucid. Oh, Tom.

Another commercial break happens, and I decide to refill my drink at this time, since I already know about the foreshadowing.

Whatever, Dr. Drew shows Jenn the Tapes. It’s a thing that reality show participants count on in order to validate their arguments. If you have ever watched Big Brother, you have heard this phrase: “Look at the tapes! I never pooped on your toothbrush! Look at the tapes!” We’ll be following that show this summer, aren’t you lucky? It’s MUCH more dysfunctional than this program, and this summer, it will be a CELEBRITY Big Brother! Say what!?! That’s right, suckas! **does the cabbage patch in the living room**

Oh, back to The Tapes. We get to see Jenn yelling at Mike and following him all around the house. This is incredibly meta, and I don’t think I can handle it. Watching tapes of the show, ON the show?? **Gulps the whisky sour to steady nerves** Dr. Drew can’t handle it either, and murmurs “Oh no” and “I’m scared for you right there” in his husky doctor voice. **Gulps** Whatever. Jenn is defensive, Drew takes her down a peg (“I don’t expect you to act professionally, you are an addict like they are, not a rehab tech.”) and offers to send Loesha (a psych tech from Pasadena Recovery Center) to live in the house and be Jenn’s back up. Jenn says, “Won’t that make me look like a weakling?” Oh, Jenn.

Summary of last part of show (I’m tired of this whole thing): Loesha comes to stay at the house. Loesha is a bad-ass without being negative, and can compartmentalize her emotions. Without booze!

Next week: Sizemore’s in court! (Oh, Tom) Jenn’s in therapy! A visitor comes to the house high!

We got a chance to sit down and talk with the Rock N’ Roll equivalent to chocolate and peanut butter!

- Dave is feeling old, thanks to his eyebrows and his backwards underpants.
- Steve gets way too obsessed with Dave’s fly hole, when he’s not lying down in the shower.
- A man loses a stone to a stoned Doctor, and a woman wets on a wad of Wal-Mart wraps.
- Australian’s don’t take kindly to gay dogs, and a girl gets puked on in Philly.
- We get another page from Gretchen’s Diary, and find out how much she loves white guitars.
- Tracy bought a guitar because it was “a panty melter.”
- Justin Bieber squishes girls with his popularity, and we get an update on Bret Michaels.
- We launch a brand new segment called, “Ask Haverly”! Send your questions now.
- The show concludes with us talking to Jess and Chuck from the hottest band in the land, Rock Sugar. We talk hair, The Food Network, their new CD “Reimaginator,” and all things in between!

Don’t forget to check out Rock Sugar’s website at: RockSugarBand.com

When you’re done listening, make sure you check out Dave and Steve’s Droppings on iTunes.

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The Dave and Steve Show – Episode #114 – Rock Sugar

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It is “Try not to make two bad shots in a row” week on The Dangly Bits Show!

- Hey you jackholes, just let Dave enjoy Facebook will ya?
- Tracy tells how he irritated a humorless Canadian on Earth Day.
- We thank Behringer Audio…for real.
- We saw where The Deadliest Catch star Jake Harris sliced one into the bushes.
- Beth with the knockers is going to get you if you don’t get past the bad hole. Huh?
- Jaimee Grubbs needs to head to Seattle if she wants to get the attention she thinks she deserves.
- Gretchen owned a bar by the end of the show.
- President Obama is popular in China.
- Everything is about me, me, me, I, I, I, uh…I.
- Your ego is not your amigo…just hang in there.
- Look at your face! Clean your room! Look at your face!
- Dr. Drew is willing to hide drugs in your car to help you.
- Garrison Keillor should’ve throttled Lindsay Lohan.
- We’re giving away the classic baseball movie Major League.
- More great guests coming up on the Dave and Steve Show:

April 19th – Next Monday the amazing band Rock Sugar!
May 4th – Rising Stars The Crying Spell.
May – Rockers from Down Under, Airbourne.

Get in the Uhaul for another weekend and come back next week for Monday’s exciting show with special guests Rock Sugar! Have a good weekend everybody…oh and Keep ‘Em Danglin’.

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Episode #113b – The Dangly Bits Show

Tracy likes to put a groove down the middle as well…

On a related note, we have lots of mugs and other cool things in our store, so make sure you check it out!

We were asked to pass this along to everyone.

Kind of odd that this flier hits the day he gets suspended…

Even still, nobody throws a party like Big Ben, so it should be a great time, regardless of what city it’s in.

We haven’t decided if we are going yet or not, but we’ll keep you posted.

Grab your mascara and your tamales, because Paul Goebel is back on the show and ready to prove once again why they call him “The King of TV!”

- There has been a mix-up in guests, and it’s all Dave’s fault.
- We ask you to buy something, no matter how small, from our store!
- Gretchen brings us one of her most confusing stories ever, and a man makes an escape in a Barbie SUV.
- If you don’t cut off the skin you might stay sick longer, and women are causing quakes… in our pants!
- We get another riveting entry into Gretchen’s Diary, as read by Tracy.
- Steve tells the tale of a lost dog, a giant hill, and a massive man.
- Listener Cecil calls into our comment line at 206-984-2407 to sing a special song for his wife.
- We hear from Dave’s admitted current podcast crush over at The Because Show.
- Sandra Bullock made a bad movie on purpose, just to steal the original Razzie.
- Soundgarden reunited over the weekend, and Dave and Tracy agree that Grunge sucks.
- The King of TV, Paul Goebel, joins us on the show to talk 16 year-old girls, viral videos, and his huge 200th episode comedy special. He also has a rematch with Steve on TV trivia, and you won’t want to miss it!

Don’t forget to check out Paul’s website at: TheKingofTV.com

When you’re done listening, make sure you check out Dave and Steve’s Droppings on iTunes.

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The Dave and Steve Show – Episode #113 – Paul Goebel

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It is “I paid my taxes now give me a free waffle” week on The Dangly Bits Show!

- Tracy got a text message in the middle of the night that made him poorer.
- Jen got some lousy coffee and Dave got a 3rd iPad. Isn’t America great?
- We had technical problems on Episode #112 but someone out there still thinks we sound great.
- Dave’s loves listening to women talk about shopping.
- Joe Biden’s tax return proves what we already know about Vice Presidents.
- President Obama has a plan but oddly Bruce Willis was not consulted.
- Michelle McGee is not a homewrecker. She’s just easy.
- Tom Sizemore is a hugger, not a fighter.
- The term “peed hot” makes its debut on the show.
- We’re giving away the classic baseball movie Major League.
- A former NFL great may be visiting the show in the future.
- More great guests coming up on the Dave and Steve Show.

April 19th – The amazing band Rock Sugar!
May 12th – Rockers from Down Under, Airbourne.

Get in the Uhaul for the weekend and remember not to order pizza for your buddies until they’ve moved the heavy furniture…and like always Keep ‘Em Danglin’. Have a great weekend everybody!

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Episode #112b – The Dangly Bits Show

We have technical difficulties… lots of technical difficulties.

- We’re making changes to the official website of The Dave and Steve Show!
- You can now give us various amounts of money, depending on how broke you are.
- Steve is a “fammer,” and is not with the show this week.
- “The Big G” tells us all about “The Big G,” and a guy gets a meat thermometer to the neck.
- A man walks his dog from the comfort of his car, and we watch “Weekend At Berlinie’s.”
- We learn what KFC’s Double Down is, and Tracy steals Dave’s thunder.
- Pile Member, Cecil, logged into the forums the very same hour that Dave took them down.
- Dave takes over the ENews this week and tells us about The Masters, Dixie Carter, and Conan.
- We hear a new segment called, “Gretchen’s Diary.” HOLLA!
- We finish off the show with half of our interview with ultra-talented artist, Joe Orrantia, who has worked on “Ren & Stimpy,” as well as “Phineas & Ferb,” and has some amazing stories to tell that you may or may not get to hear…

When you’re done listening, make sure you check out Dave and Steve’s Droppingson iTunes.

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Episode #112 – The Joe Orrantia Show

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It is “I can’t get this iPad to stand on its own” week on The Dangly Bits Show!

- Two years of shows are available to you for mere pennies!
- Dave got to handle an iPad but not much else while using it.
- We talk about a people finder site that reveals shocking information about the cast of the show.
- Tracy’s blog contains some great shopping tips but nothing political.
- Nike wants you to know that Tiger’s dead father wants you to buy their shoes.
- Tom Sizemore can’t do anything right…including quit a sobriety show.
- We listen to some choice clips from Sober House.
- We’re giving away the classic baseball movie Major League.
- Lots of guests coming up on the Dave and Steve Show!

April 12th – Joe Orrantia – Animator and artist for Phineas and Ferb.
April 19th – The amazing band Rock Sugar!
In May – Rockers from Down Under, Airbourne.

Get in the Uhaul for the weekend and remember to move your blankets and towels last so you can use them to keep your furniture from getting dings…and like always Keep ‘Em Danglin’. Have a great weekend everybody!

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Episode #111b – The Dangly Bits Show

Thinking of doing drugs? Watch this show and imprint Mike Starr’s crazy zombie face on your brain. Ferreal. He’s STILL dope sick. And aggressive. And crankypants.

Jen Gimenez (House Manager, beloved by me) wants to throw Mike out of Sober House because he is threatening the camera operators by backing them into corners. Mike calls Jen a “Drama queen” and says he never touched them. So, lots of beeping beepity beeps later, Will Smith (YAY!), not THAT Will Smith but the resident tech, takes Mike to his own house for the evening to even out the house ‘vibes’. Yeah, I don’t get it either. But we get to see Will Smith’s sweet silver Mustang. Right on, Will! Livin’ the dream!

Heidi and Tom drama is recapped through clips. This is foreshadowing. *snoooooore* We ALL saw the previews. This show is made for people with bad short-term memory retention, because they rehashcakes everything to death. WE GET IT.

Bob Forrest (Drug counselor and kick-ass vocalist for Thelonius Monster), decides to re-introduce Kari Ann Peniche (boo!) to the Sober House and ask the residents to give her one more chance. Are you freaking *kidding* me with this, Bob Forrest?

He walks her into the house (she is crying and shaking, doing a full-on “pity me” act) and the first thing she says on walking into the empty living room is “I need some juice.” Way to be consistent, tiny meth-head. Play to your strengths.

Bob presents Kari Ann’s case to the assembled residents. Heidi, dear old addled Heidi, asks her, “Why do you want to put yourself where you’re not wanted?” Bless you, you ancient hooker.

Tom, the dolt, stands up for Kari Ann and incurs the Wrath of the Aged Whore!

Kari Ann leaves, and Dr. Drew’s voiceover is naturally, sad. He really believed in her recovery, provided she enter sober living. Oh if we could only harness the energy of his stupid faith in humanity, we wouldn’t need to burn all that coal to convert corn into fossil-free fuel, we’d be driving cars powered by ex-con butterflies and opium-addict unicorns!

Tom, after a disastrous couples-counseling with Dr. Drew and Heidi (yeah, weird) decides that he is going to leave Sober House. Bye Tom! No, really, he means it this time!

Tonight is the first night the residents are out of “lock-down” and can leave the house. Awwwwww hell. They do have a midnight curfew, though. Remember: Dennis Rodman does NOT like rules!

I’m really pulling for Seth “Shifty“ Binzer. Even though he pierced his cheek and it looks like a metal zit. He has decided to stay at Sober House with Jen and Kendra Jade instead of going out. But duuuuude, Mike Starr and Jenny Ketcham go to meet Dennis at a night club. D’oh!

Clearly, a night club is not the place for recovering addicts to spend their first night out of lock-down. Evil Jaegermeister girls with shot glasses tempt Dennis with shots. One even had a German accent, as if to trip every stereotype in the Dictionary of Evil Archetypes. “Denneeees, I am going to see how strong you are! I am going to tempt your villpower!” Bitch. Dennis looks very old in club lighting. Sadder? Mike Starr introducing himself to bar patron after bar patron as “Mike Starr, bass player for Alice in Chains.” Aw, honey, that’s just sad. And not true.

Of course they break curfew, because that’s a better dramatic arc. I’m not accusing production of influencing the outcome, but I’m accusing production of influencing the outcome. When Dennis, Jenny and Mike roll in, they are all subject to a breathalyzer test and *dundunDUN* Consequences.

They all pass the breathalyzer, but there are Consequences to dole out, and you KNOW Dennis will not be down with that. Sure enough, Jen asks for (and gets) everybody’s cell phone, except for Dennis. And I mean everybody, even the people who stayed home, as they are a team blah blah *snooooooore*. Sorry, but I’ve heard this team-building mass punishment thing before, I get it.

The curfew-breakers have to write 150 words about how their disease is causing them to act blah blah *snoooooore*. Mike Starr is not going to do it, until Will Smith (YAY!) tells a moving story. Mike Starr agrees to complete the assignment. Mike respects Will. Yay! No one respects Jen. Boo! Sober House leaves us with Dennis agreeing to give Jen his phone and *snoooooore* etc.

THE END!

Grab your meat and take a seat, because we have got Steve Haverly on to tell us all about the upcoming mega-event known as “St. Meatentine’s Day!”

- We award “NHL 10″ to one lucky listener, and announce our contest for the month of April!
- All men are addicted to sex, a guy in New Jersey can’t stop peeing on legs.
- You can now date other people with herpes, and we find out which state has the biggest penis.
- We go over some of the search terms that have been used to find out fine website!
- The Pop Quiz this week is another amazing “Complete the 80s Hair Metal Lyrics.”
- Tyler Perry keeps making money, and George Lucas keeps making Star Wars… stuff.
- Jerry Seinfeld’s new show is a turd, yet still got renewed.
- We reveal the secret word that you can email to dasshow@gmail.com to win a prize!
- The show is concluded with an amazing interview with Mr. Steve Haverly. Steve is a “Guys Tell All” panelist on “The Today Show,” and has organized the first ever St. Meatentine’s Day. Trust us, folks, you’re going to want to hear about this!

When you’re done listening, make sure you check out Dave and Steve’s Droppings on iTunes.

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Episode #111 – The Steve Haverly Show

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It is “We went a whole month without killing anyone” week on The Dangly Bits Show!

- We hate April Fools Day. You all need to grow up.
- Go little monkey, go! No cages for you!
- Newark, NJ isn’t the Most Dangerous City anymore. Maybe next month.
- Jesse James has a fever…and the only cure is women with Charles Manson tattoos.
- We criticize the historical accuracy of Jesse’s bigotry.
- Hulk Hogan found enouragement from a woman with larger biceps than his.
- Lots of guests coming up on the Dave and Steve Show!

April 5th – Steve Haverly – You may have seen him on the Today Show.
April 12th – Joe Orrantia – Animator and artist for Phineas and Ferb.
April 19th – The amazing band Rock Sugar!
In May – Rockers from Down Under, Airbourne.

Get in the Uhaul for the weekend and remember to move your blankets and towels last so you can use them to keep your furniture from getting dings…and like always Keep ‘Em Danglin’. Have a great weekend everybody!

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Episode #110b – The Dangly Bits Show